My biggest nightmare these days is that I suddenly wake up and everything between us is just a dream and you are not here anymore. So scared it sheds me to tears.
I miss u so much. And i’m still crying even though i promised u not to and i said i stopped. Sorry i lied. But so many things are uncertain. So many things are blurry. And i can’t imagine myself not having u by my side. It’s killing me and i’m becoming the worse version of me. I hate it. I hate it….
It feels like walking on ice. So excited and wonderful yet watching out every single step. Cuz the scare of these beautiful moments disappearing on a fine day is just so big. Cuz who knows it has only been 3 months and everything is just at the beginning of it all.
And what if, just like any other ice rinks, it breaks?
“We need love to keep on going. We need wisdom to know which way. We need courage to fall in love with the unknown”
A few words gifted from a friend.
My trip to Dortmund is eyeopening. I heard so much about how hard life is for Vietnamese people abroad. Now I witness one. My uncle’s life in Germany is hard. Really hard. Imagine how he first stepped on this land, not knowing a German word, and now he’s built a house here, a family, a home, and a business. But even now when he seems to achieve everything, life is still hard for him. Day in day out, wake up at 9, get a boring breakfast at a supermarket nearby, work hard all day at the restaurant, go home at 11 at night, dinner at 12… Daughter moves out so he gets himself a dog as company to feel love. Every single day like this… He smells like oil and food. I can imagine how lonely he is everyday when driving on the street shipping orders, so lonely that he shows great joy having me or my mom next to him to talk. He misses home so much that in every pieces of stories he tells me it shows a bit of the eagerness to come back to vietnam one day. How he considers himself still a Vietnamese at root. 25 years and still a Vietnamese anyway.
This got me thinking about my decision to stay in Vietnam, despite the wave of all of my friends studying and living abroad. I felt like I skipped a lot of opportunities to go abroad. I know I have the capability to do well there, but time after time my decision is always to stick with this land. Idk why and sometimes I feel jealous of my friends but actually now I feel different. I also feel I am really a Vietnamese at root and how much I love this homeland :) So yeah, let’s stay here and try my best because face it, it’s life. It’s hard everywhere.