Flashback

A visit to Sam Son. Lots of memories that she thought she didn’t remember. Or doesn’t want to.  The wave. The little girl spoiled. The toy she wanted. The last goodbye. The blur image. The deep ocean.

Lots of things that she wants to remember forever, and could not. His voice, his smile, his arms, his hug. The way he loves her so much. His everything.

I miss you, Dad.

Random update

Due to the fact that everything was so overwhelming the first week, updated below is very random hehe :P

  • my room is amazing!! love this room. Living with aunt is extremely good and comfortable. Mom spent one week here, noted on what this room lacked and prepared them for me. She helped me unpacked and arrange everything to make it in order. She even bought me one beautiful standing mirror in which I magically look thin =)) haha
  • if continuing eating order like this, soon I will get fat :( 3 meals per day. In the morning, I tell myself to eat a lot so as to save energy for the whole day. Lunch is when I am tired, eating is necessary. Dinner is the only meal that I spent with family, with lots of delicious hot dishes and I just can’t help it.. not to mention unlimited milk in the office, fruits, … I really need to watch out on nutrition :(
  • I have never felt more welcomed in the new place!
  • Working is tired :( not because of the workload (to be honest I haven’t even started working) but of the 8-hour length at work…especially when you have to change from the sleeping habit of a student cramming for exams to that of a worker. Instead of staying up til 2a.m, now i wake up at 5h30, catch the company bus at 6h40, start working at 7h30, arrived home at 5 and go to sleep at 9. Soooo different (like in a total different world) and my body is adapting (still!!!). Good for health, though :x
  • We have 3 induction weeks, 1 have passed and the other 2 are very promisingly exciting. First week has got my eyes wide-opened to the whole process of milk production. It’s like a HUGE machine that is working from the cow to the dairy product. just HUGE.
  • Extremely good to feel familiar during departmental training. “I learnt this at school!” has never been more precious. Thank you, RMIT, everything is really practical :x
  • I love the sparkle in the eyes of these people while talking about their work. That’s dedication and passion.
  • Weekend fills up by AIESEC Alumni networking event. Catch up with many friends. Feel home again :)
  • Things are not easy. But I have never felt more excited. Try hard. That’s it.

Next week’s plan: field trip to Thanh Hoa, gotta learn a bunch.

Miss Hanoi, I do.

Photos :P

My room :x [just when I arrived, before I rearrange the table and put my stuff there]

Mom posing haha

That’s it for now. I am very happy with new place, new company, new friends, new colleagues. Hope this lasts :) More update will be coming soon. Keep in touch :x

From Pt with love <3

Your love is my color

Mom is on the flight back to Hanoi, after 5 days here with me, making sure everything is fine.

It felt so “right” when Mom was here. She woke me up early, gave me a few advice on dress. Then she waited for me to come home, listened to every single detail of my day, showed her real interest and gave me precious advice. She helped me unpack, read all the policies of the company to make sure her daughter is treated fairly (yeah, mother!:P ). She took a walk with me, discovered the area around. And many other tiniest stuff around here, she laid an eye on everything. I felt so safe.

But it was my choice moving here. Mom can’t stay with me all the time. She got to fly back, and suddenly something was missing. No complaints about my untidiness. No shouts when I do something wrong. No cuddles before I fell asleep. No tight hugs before I left for work. No very gentle advice I should do this, not do that. It feels empty.

Her flight was at 5p.m, before I came home from work. Before leaving, she left me a note “Me luon ben con. Co gang len nhe”. I went home, read the note and burst into tears. I couldn’t help it. Now I am really on my own. I really am. I know it sounds stupid, as many of my friends have been independent for a long time ago, when they went study abroad. But for me it’s still something very new that I am still adapting. Maybe it’s because I have always been safe and warm in Mom’s arms. Her protection and care are everything to me. These days I watched a lot of Friso’s commercials, when Mom and baby are friends, grow together, share everything together, I always had to hold back tears. It was exactly how I grew up, with Mom by my side, encouraging me being anything that I want to. She never wanted her baby daughter to work far away, but never said a word to make me worried, wasn’t against any of my decisions. Just being supportive and helpful. I miss Mom so much already. She has always been the bravest and strongest woman I know. It’s a pity that I can’t always be there beside her taking care of her like she did to me. All I can do now is wish her health and try as much as I can to make her proud. As I always try to do. :)

Love is your color
It makes you shine
So show your colors
It comes from inside
Everything else is black and white

[Love is your color – Leona Lewis & Jennifer Hudson]

Thank you Mom for everything I’ve got. Your love has made a rainbow out of me. I love and miss you so much, Mom :) I will never forget you fondling my cheeks in the most tender way a mother can. I love you, love you…

hugs and kisses from a place that is always close to your heart.

your baby daughter.

So done!!

This entry is to mark my final of finals!!!! Don’t know what to feel, HAPPY? (hell yeah!) Worried? or just simply Relieved? Well I’m not sure. One thing about study in RMIT, time flies so fast!! I remember this time 2 years ago, I finished my very first final period, this time last year, Mon and I screamed “Teenage dream” together, enjoying the company of Matteo =))

And now it’s just … finished! Done! Boom! Work next week!

feels like a short fall. Hmmm. I wanted to graduate soon, but didn’t expect it to be this-much-soon. So soon! Just like a wink and now all I’ve got left are memories. Applying for RMIT was a coincident, got the scholarship was mere luck, and studying here was full of hard work. Sometimes I feel grateful to be able to study in this university. Whatever its numerous cons are, in comparison with Vietnamese universities, RMIT still beats. And it does provide me what I needed to be ready for work: strong skills, confidence, practical knowledge, good network. Isn’t it what university is about?

ok whatever, just finish packing and everything now is quite messed up, with things taken, things left behind, things undecided. I hate packing so muchhh : ( First time ever in my life I have to move. So lucky my Mom always makes it a stable home for me. I have never had to move house before. This room has always been my room. I always have a place to come back, to be me, to be free, and relaxed. One lucky me : ) Today when packing, I found a lost bracelet, and it got rusted. That was the one I really love! Didn’t know what to do, I turned to Mom, and her advice was a miracle, it became shiny again!! I suddenly realize what if I don’t know what to do again, when I am far away from her, who will I turn to? Just wish to be able to run to her, ask her silly questions, waiting for her to give the best advice, and thank her for that. It must be precious.

So just a blog entry drafted in the middle of the night, to mark my oh-so-done student life. And remind me of how lucky I am to be able to find my own road, and finish the race. yeah, Finish \m/ [not intend to take post-grad for about 1-2 years from now]

Waiting til it’s November and pictures of the Bachelor me will be uploaded woohoo <3

for all the students out there : x Gluck with exams : x

what are we doing with our lives?

Money. Go. First.

That’s what the majority of this society are thinking. Those “naive” – “innocent” answers of a girl who only knows to strip for money are now praised as if it’s something rare and precious. No matter how wrong that idea is, people agree with it, not because they don’t know it’s wrong. Just because it’s bluntly true.

What happens with dreams? What happens with courage? What happens with dignity? Pride? Love? Generosity? Whatever it is as long as it is not materialistic?

They just all disappear. or get blur. or be caught up somewhere. : )

The stinking education system makes schooling some kind of burden. We do not learn, we suffer. We live day by day, test after test, knowing we are not learning something we will later on use in life. Even moral, or ethics. Dreams got trapped. Courage got killed. Love got criticized. A degree doesn’t mean much. There are a million ways of getting a job. Being smart and active and intelligent is just minor one of them. Then money comes even before that. Money, again.

I am not any exception. I believe from the very beginning, my ultimate goal in studying, spending those hard days sitting on the table, cramming books, “shitting” finals is just to get a job, to earn money. Whatever I do, money has its own voice in it. Even if it’s voluntary work, it’s still building up my CV and then helps me get a good job. That’s mere logic. I somehow feel that  I understand the stripping girl’s want of helping her family. I do, too. And trying that much hard is how I do it, especially how my mother sacrifice her whole life for her kids. But I don’t sell myself for money, and that’s the difference.

Yesterday I have a very serious and meaningful talk with an honor man. He showed me some very basic principles in life that I used to ignore. He showed me the key to true happiness, for a girl like me. For any girl in this world. I realize my true mission in this life. Not what I truely want at this very moment, but it’s something I have to make a choice, something when I myself realize it, it might be too late. A choice that will destine my life journey. And money, luckily, is not it. Above all, family and love prevails. Keep that in mind, with a bunch of other precious knowledge that I am fated to get to know, I will have the base for my every decision. This is smart. Not “nice”, not “innocent”, not “ngoan”. Smart. I need it more.

This entry is pretty messed up. Exactly as who I am now. Messed up in the middle of choices, dreams, what is right and what is wrong, is there anything that is absolutely no, or certainly yes? However, just by being true to the nature of who I am born with, I am sure that I will have my stubborn yet very strong steps in life. Without having to put money above all else.

And for that, I create my own destiny. Dare to dream again. And be courageous.