Money. Go. First.
That’s what the majority of this society are thinking. Those “naive” – “innocent” answers of a girl who only knows to strip for money are now praised as if it’s something rare and precious. No matter how wrong that idea is, people agree with it, not because they don’t know it’s wrong. Just because it’s bluntly true.
What happens with dreams? What happens with courage? What happens with dignity? Pride? Love? Generosity? Whatever it is as long as it is not materialistic?
They just all disappear. or get blur. or be caught up somewhere. : )
The stinking education system makes schooling some kind of burden. We do not learn, we suffer. We live day by day, test after test, knowing we are not learning something we will later on use in life. Even moral, or ethics. Dreams got trapped. Courage got killed. Love got criticized. A degree doesn’t mean much. There are a million ways of getting a job. Being smart and active and intelligent is just minor one of them. Then money comes even before that. Money, again.
I am not any exception. I believe from the very beginning, my ultimate goal in studying, spending those hard days sitting on the table, cramming books, “shitting” finals is just to get a job, to earn money. Whatever I do, money has its own voice in it. Even if it’s voluntary work, it’s still building up my CV and then helps me get a good job. That’s mere logic. I somehow feel that I understand the stripping girl’s want of helping her family. I do, too. And trying that much hard is how I do it, especially how my mother sacrifice her whole life for her kids. But I don’t sell myself for money, and that’s the difference.
Yesterday I have a very serious and meaningful talk with an honor man. He showed me some very basic principles in life that I used to ignore. He showed me the key to true happiness, for a girl like me. For any girl in this world. I realize my true mission in this life. Not what I truely want at this very moment, but it’s something I have to make a choice, something when I myself realize it, it might be too late. A choice that will destine my life journey. And money, luckily, is not it. Above all, family and love prevails. Keep that in mind, with a bunch of other precious knowledge that I am fated to get to know, I will have the base for my every decision. This is smart. Not “nice”, not “innocent”, not “ngoan”. Smart. I need it more.
This entry is pretty messed up. Exactly as who I am now. Messed up in the middle of choices, dreams, what is right and what is wrong, is there anything that is absolutely no, or certainly yes? However, just by being true to the nature of who I am born with, I am sure that I will have my stubborn yet very strong steps in life. Without having to put money above all else.
And for that, I create my own destiny. Dare to dream again. And be courageous.