Scared

What i’m afraid is coming true. Mom got sick and i’m not there for her. She always sounds so strong on the phone, but actually I know she suffers a lot inside, all the time trying to hide it, even if it’s physical or mental pains.

I’m scared. All kinds of scenarios happen in my head. I’m scared. What do all these mean when I’m not around her when needed? What do all these mean when she’s getting older and our time together is counted based on “days”? I’m scared, really scared. I feel like i’m the worst person… 

And also scared for the future. I don’t know what it would be like or who I would run to now if anything happens. I don’t know what my life would ever be like without her. How lost I would be, how horrible things would get… I don’t know… For so long she has been my one and only superwoman, who i lean on, who i love, and who loves me gives me strengths for everything…

Now i’m crying, and praying… Please get well soon mom, i’m so scared :)

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