new job

For so long I haven’t talked about my work. Sometimes I feel like I just want to forget about it for a while. But I forgot I have another therapy – to write about it. So now I will write about my current job, which has been 6-month since my first day just in a blink of an eye.

Let’s just say, I’m no longer the naive girl of 4 years ago who got excited easily in almost everything she’s working with. Now I’m a more cautious, careful kind of person, as well as harder to please. I know what I want to gain out of this job, and let it be my focus instead of trying to like everything about my job. And that’s why I feel reluctant to answer whenever somebody asks me: “Do you love your job?”.

For me, to be honest, the job now is not to “love”. I adore those people who can say that sentence with exclamation point “I love my job!”. But I don’t seem to “love” it. I love some parts of it, to be exact. I also know I can do my job to some level of excellence/acceptable thus I am not scared. I know it’s challenging enough for me not to get bored and to learn a great deal at the same time. I know my boss and my colleagues are pleasant people. I know the pay is good. And that, for me, is a definition of a good job.

Or at least, for now.

I also hate some part of it. To face the reality, this environment is not the best environment. There’s must be a reason why this company stays the best player in such a harsh competition. And unfortunately, one of the reasons is that its people are all the ones who have been through tough wars. Have you met a soldier? They are not the easiest people to deal with. They are smart, they know the pain, they know the difficulties that are out there on the field, thus they will never make it easy on you. They will challenge you until you fall down, making you feel just as you are also on the battle field. But once you survive, you are not only survivor, you become a hero. The one who lives. The one whose stories are told. And that’s the beauty and the pain of this company.

I must admit sometimes it knocks me out. I feel totally exhausted. Plus the fact that I am all alone in this city and so far from the center, far from my old friends, makes me feel very lonely. But I got to visit home almost every month. I feel stressed most of the time. But nothing feels better than a problem solved or a task ticked done (is it just me?). I find it frustrated to deal with some people. But I also find friends.

So “Do I love my job?” – it’s still a question I don’t know how to understand. But for 6 months, with all the hard work, I am still trying everyday and knowing that I’m growing everyday. I guess that’s enough.