Suddenly I find it extremely difficult to get some sleep today. Despite the fact that I am having an early and important meeting tomorrow, and a full day packed in training (super sleepy, you tell me!). Maybe I will grab some coffee to start tomorrow then…
The time is coming close. I have weird feelings about this. Very excited to move back. Very longing to see my bubbly cutie soon-to-be hubby. And a bit nostalgic. Not as much as I expect I would be. Maybe it hasn’t really hit me yet that I will not be walking into the familiar Bitexco and wandering around the street of Nguyen Hue anytime anyday anymore. But these days make me think very much about how times fly, and how much I have changed, since I moved here.
2012. When I first started this blog. My 21-year-old self never imagined how life would turn out in Saigon. How I would stumble, fall, and stand up, and keep moving forward like I have been doing restlessly in the past 5 years.
These days make me think about this very period of time last year. When I stopped my long-due relationship. A tiring one I must say. When I really for the first time feel empty but at the same time very peaceful for not being attached to anyone, by any reason, emotionally and physically. For the first time I feel free, content, and happy. I collect the feelings I had – those very precious feelings- in songs of Damien. Like I could just close my eyes, put on his latest album, and feel the same thing all over again.
These days I have the joy reminiscing with my fiance how life would have turned out differently if he didn’t make a move and if he wasn’t so determined to be with me. I never imagine how finally I could find happiness. Fulfilled, well-rounded happiness. The kind of happiness that makes me feel so woman, helps me discover the sides of myself that I never knew I had, and gives me the courage and strengths to go through these days. I feel so thankful for him to have never given up on me, not under any circumstances, not even when I pushed him away. So much thankful.
I don’t know what might come next. You never know right? I live by each day these days by treasuring more things I have, and the things I had. Keeping up some hopes, trying every possible way I can to reach my “goal”, give myself some reasons to believe and trust this “turning-point” decision of mine. Learning to think simply, act freely, and loosen up a bit, lay back a bit, rest in his arms and feel so safe and peaceful that I’m finally gonna be… home :)