That’s Hanoi. My very hometown. Full of people who always tend to give bodyshaming and careless comments and ridiculously judge you like they have a role in your life.
Everytime an acquaintance meets u, he/she serves the right to drop a comment on u like they know it all. Despite how hurtful and ridiculous that commentis, they just drop it and move on. Leaving you with a lot of thoughts and wonders. Like my weight, my belly, how to take care of a newborn, how much breastfed milk I’m gonna have, and how to raise a kid “properly”… like the whole society has a “standard” that you either live up to it or you die. But noone’s really sure whether that standard is good or bad. And with pregnant ladies like me, the whole idea of carrying a baby inside you and sacrificing all it takes to deliver that baby safe and sound is already terrified, let alone other burdens and judgement lie on top of that.
I am not a person who deals with it very well. Said I don’t care but sometimes I actually do. Maybe because of the competitiveness in my vein. Or maybe because of the needs to satisfy everyone and to score high in every category that I was raised with. Mom always demand me to be perfect. And know I’m obsessed with perfection and with what the society thinks of me. Sometimes it drives me crazy and I feel like just want to give a fuck to the world.
I feel so lucky I have you. My beloved hubby. To help me restore my confidence. To tell me that I am the most beautiful woman simply as I am and I don’t have to give a fuck about how the world thinks.
Sometimes it still affects me. Those hurtful words. Esp. now when my hormones are crazy. I sometimes cry at night or feel headaches cuz I think of it too much. But I just need your hugs around me and tell me it’s all nothing and tell me how you love me for who I am, no more, no less. That’s enough… :)