a certain need to write

I feel like writing these days. After months of not writing at all and hiding all my feelings inside. Now I’m sitting in the middle of the office, putting aside all the to-do tasks that are due in no time, and writing. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with work at the moment, some projects got stuck, the others got clash schedules. Then study. Then social life. Then my own health issues. The nightmare seems to begin earlier than I thought it would. :)

Today I also realized why that a*h treated me that way. Just to show how childish he was. But yeah, what else can I expect haha. Just so surprised that the answer of my question was simplier than ever. How come I didn’t think of that? Why did I even have to torture myself of all the whys. It’s just because… it’s him. childish, careless, immature him.

These days I lost faith in relationships and love and marriage totally. I don’t even know what I wanna do with my personal life anymore because everything just proves itself to be..wrong. All the domestic violence in its many forms, all the cheating, lying, torturing each other, all the divorces and their consequences… They just drive me insane and got super scared just to think about. Call me selfish but I really think I’m better off alone than got stuck in those kind of toxic relationship. And at that point it will affect not just me. It’s my kids. my mom. my family. It ruins it all. How? how can they do that??? how many sacrifices are needed???

And I hate the fact that people tell me “It’s the reality”. Fuck the reality. why people keep that kind of acceptance attitude?? why don’t u feel pissed about it and have the urge to change something?? It just feels so wrong. And if it’s really is the reality, then yeah, I will build my own happiness, regardless of what people think of me.

Everyone longs for love. Everyone wants to have that special someone to share their hopes and dreams and build a family together. But if you can’t give that person any good, why do you have to torture her? Just leave her. Just leave…

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