looking back and living up

“Can’t sleep”

Oh it’a three am and i cant sleep. My head is full of thoughts of the future. Application sent, awaiting, being prepared, being brainstormed…. They are in every possible status to make me completely stressed and overwhelmed. Everything carries its own hopes and dreams. My hopes and dreams. Its like the hopes and dreams of all those twenty years packed up nicely and put into those applications, just to find myself, well put it nicely, a “sweet escape”. The world out there is waiting for me, too big, too enormous, too magnificent, too tempting. I yearn for it, wanting to break out of this comfort zone, willing to accept all the risks, the difficulties, the challenges to come.if its the price i have to pay, bring it on.
I feel like myself is too little for the hopes and dreams i got. the ambition i have inside me. I am capable of many things i believe. And i dare to make it big, yearning to call my own shot one day. So long the time when i got my friends’ news and feel happy for them. I want something mine, something i don’t have to find my own excuses or words to make it sound good. Something sounds good itself. Sometimes i blame myself for not being more healthy, not being a man, not being stronger, not being even more ambitious. Cause i know deep inside me, another Pt is trying to get out. The one who dreams about a whole new life she builds for herself, the one to wants to break out of this status quo, this same old life. The one who desires something out there, something she has never seen, never witnessed. Yes that Pt, whom i feel long lost. This life, i love it. I love every peaceful moment of it. But i know i want more, i dream more, i can get more and i deserve more. So long are the days when i find excuses to stay here. No longer the excuses my mother, family, money, network, boyfriend, etc whatever hold me back. No it wont. I will fight for it. Get myself my dreams. Try the hardest for it.
Cause i know, it’s either now. Or never.

So good luck little Pt. Dream big, live big. Be strong and keep carry on.

For now, go to sleep and dream on

That was me, 1 year ago.

Live up to your words, Pt.

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